You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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