i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize