So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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