I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you inspire me to be a worse person
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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