She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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