all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
