I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize