fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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