Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There are leaves in my underwear?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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