I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
