Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
