so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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