i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
