I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
