I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
