So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize