he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
