erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
