a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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