Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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