The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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