My friends, they love my intelligence
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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