I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
