I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
