You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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