Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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