She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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