thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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