if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
