It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
