I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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