Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
