I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
