I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
