I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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