I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
