i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
