So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
