I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
