we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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