You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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