so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
