He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
