i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
