you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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