You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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