So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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