listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
