The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
