omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm bleeding and have questions
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
