God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
