Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So. Much. Porn.
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