it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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