I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
