Just fell off a train. Bad.
You can't special order awesome
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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