She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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