If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
