Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
