This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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