Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
