I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
