the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
