But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
