we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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