Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
soo... how was my night?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
