What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the condom got lost in my hair
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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