Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I love you. Go after that dick
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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