True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
