I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i dont even know how to be here
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
